please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Randomize
