dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
