you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
