My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
