you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
