The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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