I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
