drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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