I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize