Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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