just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
