S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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