i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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