I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
