its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
