I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
