I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
