his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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