Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
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Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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