Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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