in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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