I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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