I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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