Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
