I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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