Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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