Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
