around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
