i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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