Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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