I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
