do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize