I'm gonna have a badass scar
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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