The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
