People in love make me want to vomit
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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