The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
