my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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