I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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