whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
