yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
