I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This is my gift to your gina
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
