I can tuck mytits in my pants
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
