Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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