My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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