Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize