I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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