I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
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Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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