my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
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incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need to calm my uterus...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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