Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
