No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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