You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
