I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
