We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
