im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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