Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
