the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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