I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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