Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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