I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
COCAINE IS GR8
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
