ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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