your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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